The Runner I Always Wanted to Be

The other day while I was running on a day that I did not want to be running I was doing a lot of thinking. I really started to think about why I run and why I keep doing it. I mean lets face it; running is hard! Right now it is cold out and there is nothing fun about running in sub 20 degree weather. Also, we are all broke down in one way or another. If you say nothing on your body hurts you are lying. Whether you are seriously injured or just fight the weekly aches and pains there are many days when it hurts to get your run in. There are numerous days where each step hurts my foot or ankle or hip or knee but I get some miles regardless. And lets face it sitting in pajamas on your couch always feels better than running around with snot frozen on your face or sweating to death. So why do I run?

There are a few events that I reflected back on to that stand out in my mind.

#1 In the 6th grade I signed up for the "long" run at field day. It was probably like a 1,000 meter or less since it was at an elementary school field day but I thought I was going to do some serious running! Lets back up and state that I did not play a single sport and the most athletic thing I did was ride my bike up and down my gravel driveway that was maybe a tenth of a mile long. To make a long story short they said go, I ran, everyone else ran really fast and finished days ahead of me. Guess who didn't try to run again?

#2 The above mentioned event must of impacted my self esteem or something because I have no memory of doing any athletic the rest of my school career. So bad that when I had to take P.E. as a freshman in high school I dreaded the one mile run so much that I lied and said my Mono was still acting up so that I could sit out P.E. for the entire nine weeks. I was terrified to run the mile because you had to do it under 12:00 minutes. However, there was a part of me that sat around watching everyone run that mile that wanted to be out there. But I did not run one step, catch one ball, or anything else athletic for my entire high school career.

#3 Skip ahead to college and my second year I had a super cute roommate that was involved in lots of sports. We would go the gym in attempts to work off our Mt. Dew and McDonalds diet (seriously how was I not 200 lbs) and we would both head separate ways. She would head to the track to run and I would hop on the elliptical because I couldn't run. She always tried to talk me into running but I had in my head that I was not a runner! It was a sheer miracle that I was in a gym to begin with!

#4 The "weigh in"... I was back home going to college and working a sports store (ironic, right?) and was living off fast food and cokes still. One doctor's appointment I weighed and was about 10 pounds heavier than I have ever been my whole life! So I made my new year's resolution (January 2004) to hit the gym. I did a great job and lost some serious weight and have kept if off since minus pregnancy. However, I made a friend while working out but she stopped being my workout buddy when she tried to talk me off the elliptical and onto the treadmill. Helllo, I DONT run!

#5 April/May 2008 I was sitting at the teacher's lounge and people were talking about having done a couch to 5K to run a new 5K run for a teacher that died a year ago. They asked me if I was doing it and I remember my response was "I don't run. I have never been able to run and honestly I just think there are some people that can run and some people that can't. I am one of the people who can't run. I guess I could walk it."

Well if you have read my sidebar you know there is where it all started. I went and did that 5K in a painful 42ish minutes and was disgusted with my 27 year old body for being so out of shape just because I had a baby. Almost three years later I guess I am a runner....

The runner I always wanted to be. Those days I don't feel like running I run for the 11 year old me that couldn't run around the baseball field, the 15 year old me that was scared of a 12 minute mile, the 19 year old me that wanted to run the track with her roommate, the 22 year old me that was scared of intervals and the 27 year old me that finally had the courage to try! I love this time of year when so many people around me are wanting to work out and run. They come ask me for advice on how to get started and I get so excited talking to them about running! I get excited that they are tackling a personal demon of their own but most of all I get so excited because it means I am runner. The runner I always wanted to be.